What to say

Well, every week since the moment I started this course, I have to find something to express to portray how I have developed during the week. It's for my personal and professional development (PPD) module and of course for myself too; since I am the one who put all the objectives that I intend to achieve by the time I finish with this.

Anyway, I usually would find something intellectual or worthy to copy and paste in my PPD journal (to be compiled and summarised later on to see how I have achieved (or not) all those objectives I have set to achieve. So this week, I obviously can't pick the "One Lonely Day" entry; I decided to say how important this machine (my computer) is to me and what I have created and use to make life easier.

First of all, I love Microsoft Outlook. I even paid 30 quid to Dell when I first arrive here in Manchester because there was something wrong with the setting for my Microsoft Outlook. Turned out to be a bug in my folder (the folder I copied from my then personal folder from office). The guy (like the movie slumdog millionaire) was very nice to me. We kind of flirted for a bit. Well you know me on the phone. I use Outlook everyday because I sync the calendar, contacts, and tasks on my PDA. So, it's just useful to use it. B helped me alot with my Outlook too. Made it nicer obviously (colourful calendar).

I love Microsoft Excel. And I use it alot. I guess being in the Actuarial department long enough you tend to see all the possibilities of using Excel and apply it to everyday life. And me being me, I do love seeing numbers and creating formulas in the boxes.

1. So, I have created an Assignment timeline and update checker - to set deadlines, see progress, (as a percentage of work done) and highlight "laziness" and "jobs well done".
2. I received a financial/budget planner from a friend (Duwe if I'm not mistaken) in excel format and have since modified to fit my needs. The spreadsheet is really good to check over budget and all those shopaholic moments. I also have a seperate spreadsheet for rent per week checking for my whole tenancy in this house, and also do my salary per week. Sadly now I have to do budget according to week.
   
3. Of course I also used Excel for my dissertation statistics calculations - demographic and population calculations and etc.
4. Then I just realise just now, I can actually use excel to rate things. Yes, for example rate how great (or not) my boyfriend is. Some would think its demeaning, but I think it's necessary. (Yeah, like last night, he said 9 I said 4 - therefore I seriously need to re-evaluate the marking system, and re-mark this again).

Me and B used this cool thing called Microsoft Office Groove 2007, to share things. Yes, we shared pictures and songs. Its fast and seriously easy. You can use it anywhere in the world as long as you have a Windows Live account. You can share a lot of things, and at a large scale. Definitely a better alternative than emailing, and YM-sharing photos, and of course can share all those series I have been downloading. So if you want my long list of downloads, get yourself Microsoft Office Groove 2007.

Then I see the potential of using Microsoft Office OneNote, but since I already have arranged my assignments and dissertation items according to modules, units, chapters, etc; I no longer see the need to redo my work in OneNote. Maybe later in PhD stage I would use OneNote. It's definitely great as it links automatically with all the other Microsoft Office softwares. For example, if I put a reminder in OneNote to contact supervisor at a certain date at a certain time, it will automatically update my calendar and task in Microsoft Office outlook, which would be synchronised with my PDA Phone, and would alert me at the given time and date to call my supervisor; which I do not even have to search for his number in my phone since the alert would automatically link the person I need to contact with the reminder, so basically at that time, I just need to press call. After calling, task DONE. And then I can update in OneNote what the call was about, and continue to proceed with my work.

I'm still venturing other new Microsoft Office items that I have on my computer. I've used Microsoft Access before, definitely useful when doing analysis with huge amount of data. More Quantitative than Qualitative I have to say. Then obviously, I've used Microsoft Words (extensively) for my assignments, proposals, cover letters, etc and Power Point for presentations (yeah B helped me with presentations too). I'm still venturing on the uses of Microsoft Infopath and Publisher (somehow this is quite obvious), still have not found its purpose in my current situation.

But I would suggest to B though, to use Publisher to do his advertisement to attract sponsors for his event. Yes sending a letter is the formal way of doing things, but you need to break the market and make it more interesting to catch the attentions needed. I'm sure you know in the current economic state not many people out there readily to sponsor events such as yours.

And then there's the Microsoft Office Live Workspace; it's a free service for those with Windows Live accounts. Basically you can save documents in the several workspace that you choose, and you can share with others as well. So in case your tumbdrive is full, and you need to use the document in the office and at home (or on the run), you can save your documents in this life Workspace and continue working on it where ever you are. There's also version-ing for documents so you won't loose them. So you would always have the most updated version where ever you are. No need to check "date last modified" and compare it with your office computer and laptop. One more good thing about this workspace is they provide several template type workspace, for example - Project Workspace, Class Workspace, etc. So in the Project Workspace (if you choose that), there will be a set of documents that is essential to Project developments like proposals, contact list, task list, Project presentation, etc. Currently I am liking this free service very much. It does give me the peace of mind knowing my most updated documents are available where ever I am. So I can continue working on it on the go - even if I forgot to bring my tumbdrive. Obviously you need to be online for all this to be possible. Please note that each document saved must not exceed 30MB.

Oh yes, of course since I have been recording all my interviews and classes, I used iTunes to convert the WMA files to mp3 files, so now I can use my Windows Media Player to sync with my PDA phone so that I can listen to my interviews while working. That's my intention but have not been able to do that yet since I've been listening from laptop anyway. I guess if I have iPhone or iPod I can straightaway sync with iTunes, since I have neither; can only sync to my PDA using WMP or Microsoft ActiveSync.

Aa helped me achieve one of my objectives; to not use auto-correct spelling when writing anything. If she can see, I actually have been very careful with my spelling. Grammar, still a long way to go. If you know my secret grammar checker you'd be laughing too. Yeah it's my dad. I would give him the documents and he would highlight the errors. Naughty isn't it?

Oh my god, all this talking make me sound like a computer geek. Not that I'm so great anyway. I'm actually quite lame at things. But trying to be cool has forced me to want to learn more stuff. Yeah, like my need to have a PDA phone. It's geeky I think. I guess I have succumbed to Aas comment - I am a geek after all. Thanks to B, I'm a bigger geek now than I was before. *Sigh*

One lonely day

T came to visit me. We were in my room going through some stuff on the computer. Then we were talking about me and my new fabulous epilator. What can I say - SILKY SMOOTH!!! Anyway, T grace my cheek and said,

"You have smooth skin".

"Yeah, all my facial hair is gone and I no more have sideburns!" Me trying to explain more on why my whole-body epilator is so very fabulous.

Then I was showing T my smooth legs (not really that smooth, but just showing off), and I decided to be naughty and lift Ts shirt to see the back. Quite hairy - I like!!! Sexy man, sexy!!! Then T lift up my shirt,

"Oh my god, its so smooth" then kissed my back.

My heart raced a thousand miles per second (I know that it can't be true), oh my god what have I done? What an intense moment it was. Am I falling for T? Or is T falling for me? I don't know.

But all I know was it felt good. Eight years is a very long time. My back has been lonely for years. Probably I'm just too horny - No, I don't think so. I have been a good girl for days now. I probably just missed some human physical contact. Yeah that is it definitely.

T is coming again tomorrow. It's going to be another intense day isn't it? Exciting, I hope so!!!
By the way, I've asked T out on Valentine's day. I'll update you on that later on.

P/S - To all my lovers out there. You all seriously have some competition!!

Yes People it's a free advert for my new Epilator.

Winter Sonata

Ok, fine I know I am way too late to make a purposeful review like other Malaysians that have been watching this show years ago. But the huge reason why I wanted to see it was because of the fuss people keep making on how great it was and so on. I thought I would be crying like when I watched Autumn in My Heart. But I still have not been able to shed proper tears and I'm on episode 18 already. Two more to go.

I knew they have some weird blood relations the moment I saw the picture - yeah the day he supposedly die in an accident. Damn the threesome. I guess I couldn't cry because there's so much dishonesty. It seriously pissed me off. I guess without it, and without secrets there won't be any poetic ending to love stories would it?

Stop having secrets, especially if it is too huge to keep and especially if keeping it means you're denying others of their true self, identity, potential, etc. Keeping small secrets is fine seriously, like it was you who farted in the kitchen the other day and people thought it was the rubbish bag. But you can't keep secrets like who someone is, whose DNA they're carrying. It will always result in incest is some weird twisted ways.

One more point - why do people think telling the truth would hurt the other party more. Or keeping it a secret as if it's doing everyone huge favours. And being dishonest is being kind? What the hell? Seriously.- HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY.

Seriously, communication is the key to happy relationship. Be HONEST. Talk it OUT!!! Take time to explain things!!! If you don't want people to disturb you for four fcuking days, then you text them saying "I'm sorry, I need some 'me' time. I'll talk to you after the holidays. You have fun ok, Take Care. I'll miss you". Do not just simply switch off your phone, and make people think you're dead somewhere. That is so shitty okay. That is blatantly selfish. What if someone died and could not get hold of you? Seriously.

Do not expect people to read your mind. Others do not have the guidebook to understand you in and out. Only you have it. Don't expect people to understand you if you do not tell people what you are about. And then when people come to a different conclusion (because you forced them to read your mind), don't be mad. It's your stupid fault in the first place.

I don't understand one thing, why can't these people seriously get angry. Like really angry. Shitty things happened to them, and they sounded so calm. Like SCREAM people SCREAM!!! Let the anger out, and you'll truly be calm after that. And of course guilty too I guess for being such a bitch. I am like that. Well, then you'll get to do the making up part which is always fun and sweet. So it's working for me so far, and I hope will continue to. And if not I guess we can always adopt this angry and be quiet and calm thingy. Yeah good luck Ayu with that.

P/S - Just to note, this did not happen to me. I'm just pissed at some people. I'm probably just finding fault since the anger has been making me work harder. So wish me luck in writing more stuff. And give me more stuff to be angry about. Currently I'm still pissed at Joon Sang's mother. SERIOUSLY SELFISH STUPID BITCH.

I need some TLC

Oh how true that is. Is there anyone out there who would be willing to give me great massages. I seriously need some. Is there anyone out there who would be willing to keep me warm in this cold weather? It's going to be another painful cold night. Where's my girlfriend when I need her the most?

Viva Viva Palestine

Woke up in the morning and got ready for the big march.
Picked up the picket polls; One for friend

And one for self.



Got ready in line



1, 2, 3, 4,
Occupation no more



5, 6, 7, 8,
Israel is a terror state



Say Hey, Hey
Say Ho, Ho
Israel has got to go

Viva Viva Palestina
Israel is Terrorista
Viva Viva Palestina
George Bush is Terrorista

BBC Stop the lies,
Can't you hear Gaza's cries

In the thousands,
In the Billions,
We are all Palestinians

From the river to the sea
Palestine will be free

Three hours later

Hoped and prayed we made a difference

The overdue travel trip review - Liverpool and Holland: My birthday Holiday Part I

I was left alone during the weeks that I was celebrating my 26th Birthday. Thus I invited my mum to come visit me and accompany me. I planned some holiday and travel trips for both of us.

26 March 2008

Mama arrived at Manchester Airport early in morning. I could not sleep the night before fearing that I would miss the bus to the Airport. But I didn't, thank Allah. I was so happy to see her. Then we took the bus home and walk from Oxford Road back to the apartment. Oh my god I couldn't believe that I actually did that to mama. Take the cab, next time.

I cook her lunch - Lasagna. I think this is the first time she tasted my Lasagna. It was not my best work but it was okay.

Then I had a tutorial session with my supervisor. I wanted mama to meet him so I brought mama along to school. Again, we walked - I'm usually quite okay with mama walking because she walks around the neighbourhood for 3 km everyday (in KL). But this was bad because I let her my shoes - and everyone knows how tiny my feet are. It was killing her. By the time we arrived, we was in so much pain she just sat down at the social area without shoes on. And I went to see my supervisor.

Then I introduce them to each other. It was great. Then going back home mama was walking without shoes on. We took the cab.

27 March 2008

We went shopping in ASDA to buy some groceries and stuff. Then later in the evening we went to visit the family I stayed with when I first arrived in Manchester - Kak Uchu and Abg Latib's family in Monsall. They are sort of my foster family here in Manchester. I always celebrate festivities with them. We had dinner and mama gave them the box from their family back home.

28 March 2008

We stayed at home and pack our bags for our trip the next day.

29 March 2008

We woke up really early and got ready to go to the bus station to get a bus to Liverpool. We arrived safely in Liverpool but without a hold up - something wrong with the bus' luggage compartment's door. We kept our luggage at the luggage safe and went on to the city.

The walking trip - obviously me being a cam-whore, took pictures of some of the weirdest view. All we wanted to go and see is The Beatles Story in Albert Dock and along the way from the bus station we got to see and experience the city. So just before we reached Albert Dock, there was a huge and fantastic bus terminal. So we decided to stay and have a quick lunch.

This is the views from inside where we were sitting and having lunch. Courtesy of Tesco Express.

View of Albert Dock from where we were eating.

Mama having lunch.

Me too happy after lunch.

Mama @Albert Dock.

Me @ Albert Dock

Mama @ the Dock

Queueing @ the Beatles Story

The Beatles Story

Around the Dock area









We spent a lot of time in Albert Dock, then we make our way back to the station, to take the bus to the John Lennon Airport to Amsterdam.

Along the way, some interesting buildings

30 March 2008

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME. Holland is a beautiful country. I have fallen in love with it.

The World Peace Flame

Maduradam, Holland

Let's cross the bridge when you get to it

Why do people say that? Well mostly because they don't want you to worry too much, probably because they think you are thinking too much about it anyway.

To me personally, I like to think ahead. I am a planner. I need to know what I'm getting myself into and be prepared for it. So in the case of the bridge, I need to know what I'm crossing into, whether I can turn back or not, whether its a one way street or a two way street. And I also like to make a backup plan. A different path to get to where I want to go. I like to know I have options. I want to make sure I don't have all my eggs in one basket. Yes risk averse personality.

I know what I want, and to get to where I want to be; that needs to be sorted out. I can't just take the journey wanting to go somewhere which I think is the place I want to be; not knowing the roads ahead, the turnings I would have to make, the bridges I have to cross - having and relying on blind loyalty that things would work out and life will be happily ever after.

Well if we were driving, we would have maps to follow and now we have GPS system to help us lead the way. But in life, we have knowledge, support from family and friends, and good judgements to help us through tough decisions. There are decisions that you can't turn back - what I call a one way street; without a doubt I would say it's the biggest decision of your life. And once you're crossed he bridge you have to endure all no matter what, you have to deal with it. If there's a problem, you can't ignore it because it will never go away.

Well my point is, I do not like to worry. It does not solve my problems nor does it ease the pain of anxiousness of knowing what will happen. That's why I like to plan. And if along the way, the road ahead becomes clearer, not necessarily less harzardous but because I can see or foresee what I would be getting into, I would stop for supplies - emotional charge, mental charge, read more on the subject and so on so that when I do get there I would know what to do. And even if my worse prediction of what would happen didn't happen, all those preparation won't really be a waste, it would prepare me for the future where things can easily be shitty all of the sudden.

So, I am doing all I can, preparing myself for what I want. My plan A and plan B. I've got my plan B sorted hopefully. Now I'm putting my energy and good positive aura out there to get my plan A into action. So hopefully things would work out for me. Insyallah.

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR 2009

I miss Malaysia. I want Ang Paus. One good question; Do divorcees still have to give out Ang Paus? Or should they recieve instead? Eh, tell me about this Ang Pau thingy ok. Tata people. Happy Holidays.

Poll Taking

I need some advice. You lot knows alot about society norms and what is expected of a 26 going on 27 single lady who is seriously thinking of continuing her studies (PhD). Yes, the role of a lady. To be a wife, to be a mother. So which one should come first? Education or playing this role? Tell me what you think.

I've talked to someone about it. He seemed happy about the idea - he hoped that I do get the chance to pursue this. But I think he doesn't really care that much, as long as I am here in the UK; he has his own reasons which until now I still think is selfish; I have yet to understand his true virtue and intentions on that.

I've talked to someone else about it (well actually the first person I talked to about this that actually have a huge stake in my future). Anyway he was happy for me. He was encouraging and he reminded me of my dream and vission of being Dr Azlina. And for me obviously having this person to step up and encourage me to do this is fantastic.

But still, I need to know what you all think. Please please let me know. You can write as long as you want in the comment box(es).

BHO

Well, it is definitely a new day. He represents so many positive changes. He represents hope for the rest of the world to look forward to; democracy, overcoming racism, being an idol for achieving something beyond expectation. It's a new beginning, a new Era. Of course in all this positivism, we all know that nothing is perfect; no one is perfect. Lets just hope and pray that he will build more than he destroy.

Good Luck and all the best Mr. President.

The Pol of the "Itiks"

Well what can I say, my friend Aa's premonition and hope came true. I'm actually happy with the result. Not so much because I am anti-BN nor am I anti-UMNO; but because I feel that it has been too long and too much has happened that made BN/UMNO thinks that Malaysia=BN=Malay=UMNO.

The manifesto that keep on mentioning the Hudud law that is going to be enforced by the Pas, as if it is something so ancient and irrelevant and stupid - To me the actual act of mentioning it is seriously stupid already; find some other better point please.

Malaysia is an Islamic country, what is so wrong about practising Hudud. I know that the process of enforcing Hudud in KT would take a long time if even at all. Hudud could (I strongly believe that it would) actually reduce the crime rate. Probably then, the nation would be filled with so many of those with less than four limbs. (I wonder then, would they be able to collect People with Disabilities' welfare benefits or even register as one?).

That is certainly one of the punishments. Then what about all those people who have been having free sex and consuming alcohol. Aa said that people are afraid of amputation, I think they are actually more afraid of the punishment of being caught having committed zina or drinking. Seriously, currently if caught committing zina you would only have to pay a certain amount of money and get married. But under Hudud laws, if you commit zina when you're still legally married - you can kiss your life goodbye, and if you're still unmarried - and can cry all you want but the tears won't make the flogging any less painful.

Sorry for the sideline, back to Politics. So yes, Malaysia is multiracial, pluralistic nation. The time has arrived to not think about special treatments for Bumiputras. We are all the same (hey, I am all "rojak" but still I'm being called Malay). Our national unity is at stake, our ever-so-divided education system is the first to be change, modified and definitely improved. I seriously believe that positive social capital could be achieved if the unity between the races is improved.

"Bersatu kita teguh bercerai kita roboh". I think we all should start believing in that.

The Eyes are the Nipples of the Face

I watched House Bunny just now. I know some of you might know this - my-not-so-secret-dream-job. To be a Playboy Bunny. Yes my glitter Bunny Hoody. I love that hoody. I would wear it all the time, in fact I am wearing it right now.

So anyhow, while watching the show - this particular Bunny, said that when applying make-up, make sure you accentuate the eyes, yes we all know that. But she also explain the reason - the Eyes are the Nipples of the Face!!

Fine, maybe the eyes are the first thing people would look at if you are actually wearing clothes covering important stuff. But the effect eyes and nipples have on people- I do not think there are actually synonymous. Seriously people am I missing something? Or do you agree with me that the statement is totally untrue? Help me understand please.

Top of the world

I have always wanted to be on the top of the world
Hey, my favourite song is top of the world
I don't mean the top of Everest
More like the top of someone's world

For some reason, I don't think I'm going to get that
I'd probably have to settle being the top of Kinabalu instead
Not really the top of the world really
But my guess is, the view is still fantastic

Would I forever be wondering
If ever I could be on top of the world
As long as I have not made my peace with it
I shall not settle for anything lesser than Everest

I want to be on the top of the world
I did, still do, and probably will always do want to
So tell me, where and what is the compromising point
At this moment, I'm still staying with the top of Everest

So, instead of forcing myself to find someone
Who would put me on his Everest
I should just reach my own Everest
and Be on TOP OF MY OWN WORLD.

Depression

I attended the final dissertation presentation sessions for the academic year 2007-2008 (Graduation 2009) at the School of Psychology and Social Sciences MMU today. I have presented my dissertation earlier on in September and got good marks for it, Alhamdulillah. I was present today to support my friend - presenting her piece.

The title of her dissertation is "South Asian People’s Attitude Towards Depression". One of the thing to note on the attitude towards depression is obviously the stigmatisation that the general public has put on it.

I'm sure many people thinks that Depression leads to Negative thoughts, but in actual - Negative thoughts leads to Depression. And of all Mental Health Illnesses, Depression leads to the highest rate of suicide.

I think there are many similarities in the attitude be it South Asian or Malaysian - the eastern culture as well as the values of several religions that has been practised in these nations; does contribute to the behaviour and attitude towards the subject. The fact that the culture is such that it is not open to discuss home issues or personal problems does not solve the ignorance on the issue. It is expected that you should what the Brit says "Pull your socks up" and continue living. As if it is taboo to discuss about it - the depression (or any related mental health illnesses for that matter). And when it is actually being discussed; somehow the one going through depression is to be blamed - for not being strong enough. Or even worst the parents are to be blamed for failing in being good parents to prepare the child for life's hard experiences.

But that is just it, blaming does not solve the problem. Blaming the depressed for getting depressed does not ease the depression. Blaming the parents for not teaching or prepare them before hand does not help either. Seriously I am saddened by this fact. I guess surrounding yourself with these people - yes negative people that actually feeds your negative thoughts, they are actually the culprit in spreading depression.

I can honestly say that I have been depressed in the past - I have to admit that it was mostly because I had broken up with my previous boyfriend. It was really hard on me. The continuous negative thoughts that went through my mind does not help obviously. And then, there were also continuous negative thoughts from those around me. Yes, I was blamed for getting dumped; I was blamed for having boyfriend and thus caused my academic results gone bad (well, not that bad - since I was still good enough to get MARA to send me to Edinburgh), I was blamed that even after having the bad result (not perfect As), I was dumped. So basically, I was blamed for not only did I not get the straight As that I and everyone else wanted me too, I too was dumped - so I lost, totally a loser. And I got blamed for all that. That was the lowest point of my life. I was depressed. For many years after that. And people close to me knew that it actually got worst after that; the story and my depression.

It took me years to get over it. I can honestly say that, I only managed to totally get out of the depression, is actually now that I am here getting the help I needed. That was one of my personal goal of studying here and taking this course.

So, whenever there is someone who is constantly fuelling negative thoughts in your head - GET THE HELL OUT OF THERE. If you are strong enough to confront that person, do it. If you are strong enough to not agree and believe whatever negative things they are saying, do it. If you are strong enough to know and believe that what you think about yourself and your well being is the most important thing in this world and nothing others tell you can change that, continue to believe that.

Seriously, of all organs and systems in your body, I feel that mental health and mental well being is the most important. Without healthy mental, you can't really function positively anyway - you would physically get sick all the time. So let us all together continue to think positive thoughts and believe that we are great even when the world thinks the opposite.

When you are confronted in a position that would make you want to blame someone, stop. Think of solutions instead. Yes, one would argue how do you deal with cheating partner or spouse if you wont blame them for it. Remember this, for the one finger you are pointing at your partner, the other four is pointing back at you. You could be the caused of the problem (of the cheating partner for driving him/her away), or if it is not you could easily be the solution for the problem. There is always a solution if that is what you seek to find.

Always, always think of solutions to problems, issues, bad feeling, negative thoughts. Hopefully, we will not only contain and improve our mental health and continuously our well being, but we would project this positivism onto others around us.

Good Luck is achieving that.

My migraine

You guys know right, I have this crazy migraine. I can't eat chocolates, Beef/Mutton (But I love Mutton - so who cares), cheese (but again, I'm inlove with Cheese) and most of all I can't take/drink strong caffeine . I can't go out without my sunglasses when the sun shows even the tiniest effort to shine.

So then, it's kind of weird having to explain to new people I meet that I have this problem. People think I'm a freak because I can't eat chocolate (I can eat but not that much, especially not in Malaysian weather) and most kampung people think I'm a snob for wearing sunglasses even in the house sometimes.

So, how do you think I feel when I meet someone who shares my weirdness. Who can't eat the things I can't but still inlove with cheese cakes. I'm smilling beyond words. I guess you've guessed the reason why I wanted to learn how to make my own cheese cakes now. Hehe - Still smiling.

Cheese Cake

I LOVE CHEESE CAKE. My girlfriend - The superhot Imah, knows my favourite cake - yes the Starbucks' Blueberry Swirl Cheesecake - Smooth vanilla cheesecake, swirled with blueberries and topped with a crunchy almond crumble.

Well, me and my Zul would actually eat the whole cake which then costs GDP32 (he would probably eat more slices than me for obvious reasons). So, two years that I celebrated my birthday in Edinburgh, I would have the Starbucks' Blueberry Swirl Cheesecake (On my 21st birthday, I celebrated in Maktab with my friends with a black forest cake if I'm not mistaken, and had a huge party the next weekend at my house with a three-layered carrot cake with cream cheese icing).

I know you can't really see me in this Photo, but you can see the cake that Imah and the rest bought for me for my 22nd Birthday - we had a All-girls Barbecue at the HWU Chaplaincy.
We actually save the 22 candles for everyone's birthday since everyone was turning 22 that academic year 2003/2004.

The gang at the birthday Barbecue
(Missing in action - Sharina and Yati; apparently both of them are mothers now)
Yes everyone in the photo is still single.

So, basically for many years I have been surrounded by Cheese cakes. So, I would like to include a new, new year's resolution - which is to learn and master the art of making fantastic different types of cheese cakes. So, if any of you already have great recipes of different types of cheese cakes, please be kind and share them with me.

Health Check

Online Health Check at BUPA Wellness

• For optimum health, try to lose weight to reach a BMI of 20-25. Your BMI is presently 26.more.. Yes I do know this - thus my new Years resolution to be Beyonce.
  
• Have a cervical smear more... Yes, I have to make use of the free NHS cervical smear, should check with my GP.
  
• Use adequate sun protection to protect from cancer and early ageing more...Thus my buying of three bottles of SPF 50> Banana Boat Sun Block in Malaysia - since it is definitely cheaper in Malaysia.
  
• Avoid passive smoking. Passive smoking increases the risk of heart disease, lung disease and cancer.more... Definitely has reduced tremendously living in this new accommodation.
  
• Improve your road safety habits more...Since living here, I do not drive that much and even if I do drive here, I am too afraid to break any road safety rules - hopefully anyway.
  
• Get 6.5 to 8.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night more... Yes, thus me needing to sleep earlier and wake up earlier. Still having problem with this one.
  
• On average, people who are married or in a long-term relationship live longer than those who are not more... I am definitely working on this, not only marriage saves people from continuous fitnah, it also provides mental, physical and emotional happiness (body and soul) and of course to reproduce - definitely more positive health care being mothers.
  

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My other recommendations

• Learn to live within your financial means more... Well we all know how this is good for everyone.
  
• Limit your intake of red or processed meat more... Less HOTDOGS, and meat.
  
• Avoid excess salt intake more...
  
• Eat whole grain foods at least 4 times a week more... Good whole grain bread
  
• Consider eating raw, unsalted nuts about 5 times a week more...
  
• The more children you have (up to four), the lower your risk of breast cancer more...
  
• Accident-proof your home more...
  

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Further Information

• Fitness more...
  
• Assess your general health risks at least 5 yearly more...
  
• Weight loss may be beneficial more...
• Your minimum target heart rate during exercise for a healthy heart is at least 125 beats per minute more...
• Weight loss will help control blood pressure, cholesterol levels, and diabetes, thus reducing overall risk more...
• Learn about possible protective factors and risks for diabetes that are still under investigation more...
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• Learn about possible protective factors and risks for cancer that are still under investigation
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• Cholesterol testing is not needed at this time more...
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Slumdog Millionaire

Life is ironic like that. It was a fantastic film. Seriously. It is so deep. Education and knowledge is not just learnt from formal education system. It's experienced and learnt from everyday life. The hardship, the struggles, and whatever else life throws at you. At the end of the day, what matters is where your heart is. Honesty and Loyalty wins it all.

Next time there's a shooting star

I'll wish for world peace and for Allah to kill all those terrorists, killers and murderers. Seriously, I agree with my friend Aina, on her last note. I seriously think when people who has everything get married they should not get presents, instead they should encourage their guests to donate the money and gifts to their favourite charities of their choice. Seriously they do not need another iron, kettle or microwave; these gifts are going to be re-gifted anyway. So why not make the effort into better use and help the needy. Wasatiah - kesederhanaan.

Of a Shooting Star

I saw a shooting star just now. I didn't know what it was until it was gone. But it was beautiful. And I did make a wish after that. I don't really know how it works, but I do hope my wish would come true - eventually anyway.

Anyway, I got a Bling for Xmas/New Year from that boy who wants to "French" me up. Dunno what to think about the gesture, but like my simple mind (as if it is that simple) would think - he's just a boy trying to return a gift to a girl and Bling was an obvious choice. No biggie. P/S (Plural Bling (Bling-Bling) would mean there is an actual gem/stone on the piece represented by the second Bling, thus Singular Bling is simply the simple piece) from my definition anyway.

Anyhow back to the star - I need your help. I've been trying to find this (Bling-Bling) on websites and some window displays with no luck. If you happen to see it or anything that resemble it, please oh please let me know the location of the shop, the name of the item and the price - if it is at all possible. I have fallen in love with it, since the 1st of November 2008 - the day I first say it and also the day I took that photo.

Ayat-ayat Cinta

Okay, I know people have watched this film for some time now. What can I do - late bloomer. I seriously cried so much. My chest still hurts. I know the story, someone told me the whole story. But yet, I didn't realise I was going to be so emotional over it.

It certainly put so many things into different perspectives. Wow, if I were to put Fahri as a benchmark for future husband to be, I'm still figuring out who would have a harder time. Me or my actual husband to be. Me - obvious reasons, Fahri is in fact a character in a film (and of course to good looking for me). Or for my husband to be - hemm, the no dating policy and of course no touching policy is there for a reason, but the number of people actually practising it - is not that many probably for the same reason. Well the idea of having two wives would definitely appeal more prospects, but I have to say I'm a bit skeptical about this notion of ADIL between your wives and of course IKHLAS too.

Of course there is a huge difference in "I WANT" and "I LOVE". "I WANT" is simply to satisfy own selfishness. And when you want someone, you want them to be with you and in your life whatever it takes - even hurting them and others that love them and you. "I LOVE" means many things that includes the actual emotion of loving, forgiving, caring, selflessness and sacrificing yourself to ensure the safety and wellbeing of the person you love. When you love someone, you want them to be happy thus you are willing to make allowances in modifying your life, perception, principals to get them there. All this you have to do in the name of IKHLAS, and you can't go back reminding them what you have done for them everytime you don't get what you want from them. Because if you really are IKHLAS, your true emotion will be seen through your eyes and face, and that person will be reminded of your sacrifices everytime they look at you or even think of you.

It's way pass my bedtime, I need to sleep or at least complete another paragrapgh. This is so weird, I have to write 15000 words and I'm already surpassing that but I am no where done. Still a long way to do. Wish me luck in editing my work.

It still hurts. I'll probably cry again after this and would probably cry myself to sleep. What an emotional train this is.

I feel I'm way older than 26 going to 27

I don't even know how it feels to be older than I am, I am always as funnily, as childishly, as crazily, but maybe much better friend, daughter, sister and of course a much better girlfriend. My life have been on a roller coaster these past months. Now, Alhamdulillah things are definitely getting better. Insyallah.

My Hassan is getting married soon. Wow, I actually named him My Hassan. He is that special. I am still smiling, I'm very happy indeed that he is taking the plunge and giving love the biggest chance ever. I am so proud of you my Hassan.

Well, seeing people moving on is definitely fueling my motivation to move up the ladder. Yes, seeing my friends getting married, getting pregnant, and having babies. Well that's the standard steps anyway. But if I were to climb this particular ladder, I need to skip many steps. And I actually think that I need more time to compose myself, prepare myself emotionally, physically, mentally and of course monetarily.

Thinking again, how much I love watching Gossip Girl (yeah still juvenile mode). Hey, If I were to take this particular ladder, the many steps that I would miss would lead me to a couple of years younger than little J. Oh my god, that is huge. I guess me doing the air skipping and jumping jacks would probably help me have stronger thigh muscles to actually skip a few steps in climbing that ladder. Physical strength is so not the same as emotional and mental strength.

I thought I could just forget about this ladder and move on when I first knew I was going to have to skip those many steps. But when I asked daddy about it; he so gave me the answer I didn't want to hear. I'm not saying that I blame daddy for forcing me to face this ladder, it's just that he is right. We simply do not know what Allah has written down for us. We just have to see the bright side of everything and have faith in Allah. Hopefully, with time, patience and understanding I can face all this.

Wish me luck.

Of new shoes and I didn't even get the picture of the real whole pair!

The right way to celebrate New Year

As if there is an actual right was to celebrate New Year. But there is a definite wrong way to celebrate it. I was ashamed to learn about the New Year's Sex party that went on in KL last night. I know that these things happens all the time and I also know that it happen not just in KL but everywhere around the country too. But the fact that they got caught, in the most suspicious positions at the most convenient time made it all worst. Shows how low the morals have gone down to.

Anyway, on the other hand in other parts of the world, the new year have not been so great. The current situation with the world economy obviously did not change overnight at the struck of the new year. People continue to loose jobs, homes and other earthly possessions. But worst of all is the thing that is happening at Gaza City. The story that repeats itself so many times and that kills many people in the process.

Yes, what do we wish for deep inside - WORLD PEACE. That should be our collective ambition and vision - to work together and make the world a better peaceful place for everyone. The least we can do, is pray for them and give out positive hopes. This could easily be one of the right ways to celebrate the new year. Human Appeal International.

Yes, one couple I know celebrated it in a more fancy way. Yes Elly got married. Oh my god, I so wish I was back home to celebrate with all my friends. I got to see pictures of the ceremony courtersy of Aa - Thank you very much.


If only I could draw myself in the picture it would be fantastic. Anyway, I met Elly on the 31st July 2005 at the ASM's Annual Treasure Hunt at One Utama Shopping complex. She came to our (ING's) table to talk to me since I was the only Malay girl there. Obviously her team won (with that brilliant Ozzy). She was so nice and friendly. Then two days after that I got to know her two other great friends, Ainur and Shiela - they joined ING on the 2nd of August 2005. Wow I was so happy I got many Malay Actuarial friends then.

Little did I know that they have been great part of my early 20s. They still are very very good friends of mine. And through them I got to know Tanjung (the sweetest person ever), the superfantastic Syue (yeah hot mama), and the rest of their gang including Ana, Erhan, Syah, Ayaz and of course Sari too. I seriously wished I was there to celebrate Ellly's big day. Elly, wish you all the best sayang. You deserve all the happiness in the world.

Well, these are the few good ideas of how to celebrate the new year beside dancing naked in the snow, which I didn't complete it anyway. I was doing my work in front of my PC before going to bed. Anyway, hope all of you feel great full of ambition entering the new year. Good Luck.