I was talking to T just now in the computer lab while writing our final chapters for our dissertation that is due on Monday (hence the weird stressful postings these few weeks). I was researching on Human Rights Violation law against parents/ families that refrain their daughters from gaining education and going to school when I found a lot of Google search result on Female Genital Mutilation.
So I was talking to T about it. She was saying how degrading that is to women. I continued to explain that in Islam we too practise it although not to the full extend like the what is being practised in some parts of the world. She was quite shocked with my explanation, and proceed to explain some other aspects of Islam that she find hard to comprehend like the ban in the use of birth control.
I corrected her by saying that Islam does not ban the use of birth control, I was quite firm with my explanation. She then said well yeah that is from one school of thought, there are other parts of Islam that thinks otherwise. She was probably right, I continued googling on Birth control in Islam and found two opposites explanation. In the midst of finding the information a guy came into the computer lab and sat in front of me. Knowing that there was only 3 person, I kindly ignore the presence of the third person and was happily talking to T.
I then updated her that I found two explanation on Birth control and that both are the opposites and she can read and choose which one she wants to believe and live up to, and if she wants I would gladly print the info for her (since we were in the lab with the printer anyway). She was shocked with my blunt explanation and was giving me the eye and saying "what are you talking to me about it for?", me being oblivious of any weird unfamiliar gestures/replies ignored them and continue working.
Then we went back home for a late lunch. She was explaning on the way back how she was kind of shocked and a little angry with my behaviour - talking about birth control with a presence of another guy. I was like "Huh?". I never thought of it that way. She continue to explain hoe birth control could easily mean that we are having unprotected sex without wanting to live with the unwanted consequences. And the very fact that I was talking to her was as though it was her who wants to use birth control and she is in fact having sex when clearly we are both lonely virgins (well me more than her - the lonely part anyway).
In my defence at the time, I said it could easily mean we were talking about our dissertation on contraceptive methods. But since she already said "why are you talking to me about it for?" already closes that window. Then in my other defense, I said why would it matter what he thinks. But even before she could reply I got it. Maybe I did cross the line. But which line I'm not so sure.
Could it be that she feels that she should believe and live by the idea that birth control is not allowed in Islam and therefore any discussion about her to even think about birth control is WRONG. And the fact that I clearly showed and proved that we were discussing about it showed that without her consent, I crossed the line.
Or could it be that the guy who apparently gave her weird angry glances after I first open my mouth about birth control is in fact the kind of person who is actually a practising Muslim and believes in the purity of women and virginity and suddenly being shocked by a conversation about two single Muslim girls about birth control.
Or could it be that the guy is so in favour of the banning of birth control, and the very fact that I mentioned it made him sick to his stomach.
Have I been too careless talking about these things in public? Is my definition of public not acceptable? I know I did not explicitly explain and talk about BJs and how I like 'it' or not. But still somehow I feel I did something horribly wrong but I'm not sure what it is. I'm still confuse and angry at myself for not thinking all these things through before I opened my mouth.
Now I have offended her and I do not know how to make it right. Is our culture too different. Should it be rigid and restrictive that any discussion on any topic that is remotely linked to sex is unacceptable? I always thought that healthy discussion on any topics opens our mind, but somehow my intention went horribly wrong when there's an unwated party in the discussion. What does that say about me? or her? or him?
But I still feel that I need to publicly announced that I love Islam, I don't think that it's complicated. Different people have different opinions and say on things. That is what that makes it complicated and conflicting. To me, if that is so... we should always go back to our Niat. Intentions.
So I was talking to T about it. She was saying how degrading that is to women. I continued to explain that in Islam we too practise it although not to the full extend like the what is being practised in some parts of the world. She was quite shocked with my explanation, and proceed to explain some other aspects of Islam that she find hard to comprehend like the ban in the use of birth control.
I corrected her by saying that Islam does not ban the use of birth control, I was quite firm with my explanation. She then said well yeah that is from one school of thought, there are other parts of Islam that thinks otherwise. She was probably right, I continued googling on Birth control in Islam and found two opposites explanation. In the midst of finding the information a guy came into the computer lab and sat in front of me. Knowing that there was only 3 person, I kindly ignore the presence of the third person and was happily talking to T.
I then updated her that I found two explanation on Birth control and that both are the opposites and she can read and choose which one she wants to believe and live up to, and if she wants I would gladly print the info for her (since we were in the lab with the printer anyway). She was shocked with my blunt explanation and was giving me the eye and saying "what are you talking to me about it for?", me being oblivious of any weird unfamiliar gestures/replies ignored them and continue working.
Then we went back home for a late lunch. She was explaning on the way back how she was kind of shocked and a little angry with my behaviour - talking about birth control with a presence of another guy. I was like "Huh?". I never thought of it that way. She continue to explain hoe birth control could easily mean that we are having unprotected sex without wanting to live with the unwanted consequences. And the very fact that I was talking to her was as though it was her who wants to use birth control and she is in fact having sex when clearly we are both lonely virgins (well me more than her - the lonely part anyway).
In my defence at the time, I said it could easily mean we were talking about our dissertation on contraceptive methods. But since she already said "why are you talking to me about it for?" already closes that window. Then in my other defense, I said why would it matter what he thinks. But even before she could reply I got it. Maybe I did cross the line. But which line I'm not so sure.
Could it be that she feels that she should believe and live by the idea that birth control is not allowed in Islam and therefore any discussion about her to even think about birth control is WRONG. And the fact that I clearly showed and proved that we were discussing about it showed that without her consent, I crossed the line.
Or could it be that the guy who apparently gave her weird angry glances after I first open my mouth about birth control is in fact the kind of person who is actually a practising Muslim and believes in the purity of women and virginity and suddenly being shocked by a conversation about two single Muslim girls about birth control.
Or could it be that the guy is so in favour of the banning of birth control, and the very fact that I mentioned it made him sick to his stomach.
Have I been too careless talking about these things in public? Is my definition of public not acceptable? I know I did not explicitly explain and talk about BJs and how I like 'it' or not. But still somehow I feel I did something horribly wrong but I'm not sure what it is. I'm still confuse and angry at myself for not thinking all these things through before I opened my mouth.
Now I have offended her and I do not know how to make it right. Is our culture too different. Should it be rigid and restrictive that any discussion on any topic that is remotely linked to sex is unacceptable? I always thought that healthy discussion on any topics opens our mind, but somehow my intention went horribly wrong when there's an unwated party in the discussion. What does that say about me? or her? or him?
But I still feel that I need to publicly announced that I love Islam, I don't think that it's complicated. Different people have different opinions and say on things. That is what that makes it complicated and conflicting. To me, if that is so... we should always go back to our Niat. Intentions.
3 comments:
not everybody think like us, honey. btw, is she Malaysian? haish. she shouldn't feel offended. it seems to me it's just purely academic. she shouldn't have flipped.
Dear Ayu,
There are ways to make sex subject ok to talk about - like, going for a girls night out watching "the vagina monologue" for example. Haha
Everyone who comes out of the show is a different woman, different man.
No lah- kidding.
I figured that when another person deemed a particular subject sensitive, I would respect that.
When you come back, we girls will go into the jacuzzi together and have all the talk you are deprived of for the past years ok..
:)All doors open. Promise.
well dear..ppl's level of sensitivity kan berbeza2. aku pon slalu camtu, said things that i think bese2 jek, but some ppl may find it offensive. nevermind, just say u didnt mean to offend her. kalo dia nak marah lg pastu then its on her not u.
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